A little distraction is a good thing!

It has always been a dream of mine to raise my children in a neighborhood where kids run around and play together, families hang out together, and where community spirit abounds. Our current neighborhood is nice enough, but it is mostly comprised of empty-nesters and retirees. And since I was pregnant with Austin while we were having it built, I had NO idea how much STUFF children accumulate, and we didn't design our house in the best kid-friendly way. Fast forward five years, and we have simply outgrown the functionality of our home. It doesn't have sufficient storage space, the laundry room is more a "laundry closet", and we would love to have a basement for all the kid stuff.

Our lot is great; we have a 4-acre fishing pond directly behind our house, we have lake access to "the big lake", and we can put our boat in at a boat ramp very close by. We've loved all the wildlife we get to see: deer, blue herons, Canadian geese, hawks, ducks....and yes, even snakes! It's very private and serene.

But for at least two years we've been thinking/talking/wishing about a neighborhood that is 2 miles from Austin's new school, and in which Austin's best bud Jay and his family purchased a lot several months ago. A lake lot was recently put on the market within the last couple of weeks....SO....drumroll, please!!....we signed a contract on it this weekend!! YAY!!! Of course, we can NOT do anything until this adoption is completed - - to do a change of address on the mountains of paperwork we completed would be disastrous - - but it has been a great distraction for us to look at house plans, talk about what's important for us in the new house, and to NOT THINK ABOUT THE ADOPTION PROCESS!!! It's the next best thing to a beach trip!! :)

Shawn is still working from home and trying to take it easy. He's feeling okay, and I'm just looking forward to him feeling 100%. We've had 3 days of pretty much solid rain (which we desperately needed!), but I think we're both getting a little cabin fever. I've at least made it to the gym with regularity and run errands, but it's been a lot of time within these four walls. It's supposed to rain again most of tomorrow.....thank goodness I've got plenty of Fall Festival stuff to work on!

Hello again, Gina??

I know there are a couple of Gina's in the VN adoption world, but I am trying to find again the one who is adopting a son from Danang and received a RFE? You sent me an e-mail, I replied, and then I didn't get a response - - - - I fear it may have gone to "junk" automatically??

Anyway, I would really like to e-chat with you about RFEs.....please find me again! :) Thanks!

It is what it is: more waiting...

We heard back from the agency today. The facilitator was told that the documentation would be released to her by September 15th (over 3 weeks away!!!). Since we don't know exactly what they have, we are unsure if this will even be enough to satisfy the CIS's additional requirements for evidence. However, it's much better than the refusal to release we had previously, so we will wait.

The bright spot is that the police have NOT been able to locate the birthmother, and we have been told that the police report reflects that. That means that the DNA testing, etc. will not be necessary (provided that the CIS will accept a police report as sufficient evidence of an attempt to locate - - - of course, they SHOULD, but none of what they do seems very common-sensical!).

SO - - - - I guess the Paris trip will be able to happen without conflicting with any travel plans to Vietnam. We will have an amazing time, I'm sure, but I would much prefer to be going to get Kai instead!!!

BUT - - - - it is out of our control - - - - so we will press on and live our lives as best we can without Kai here. I am Co-Chairing the Fall Festival at Austin's school at the end of October with a friend (shout out to Caroline!!), so there is plenty to do for that. And we are looking at house plans to design and build our "kids house" that we hope to live in for the next 15 - 20 years; that's exciting!

I guess there won't be much to post about for a few weeks - - - can't wait to give you all some REALLY happy news!!

A glimmer of hope????

At 9:45 p.m. tonight, I received an e-mail from our agency rep who gave us the good news that the in-country facilitator met again with the People's Committee and they agreed to release the paperwork to her!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

I have no idea what this means exactly, but it COULD be really good news for our I-600 approval!

Stay tuned for more details to follow....it could be a long night!!!

More frustration - - -

I know, I know - - - all our readers are going to disappear because they won't be able to stand any MORE frustrating news on the adoption front! There may not even be anyone checking this blogsite anymore for updates; it's just too depressing!

Stick with us, folks, and "hang in there" (uck!)!! This WILL happen, Kai WILL eventually come home, and our family WILL be complete!!

But in the meantime....just when you think it can't get any crazier.....

Our agency's rep did meet with the People's Committee in our province (who are over the provincial officials) on Tuesday, but they refused to give her the documentation they obtained! They told her they were angry with the Embassy, and they were not going to give it to her. UNBELIEVABLE!!! Are they in KINDERGARTEN??? I can just picture them standing there with their arms crossed, saying "nah, nee, nah, nee, boo, boo"!!

We still don't know WHAT they have, but they must know that it will be helpful to our case (could it possibly be enough to satisfy the CIS?!?!?) if they're hanging on to it to spite the Embassy, right?? We do know that the police questioned the hospital officials so that's good news. I'm torn between being upset and hopeful....but GIVE ME A BREAK! We are talking about a baby here!!! I don't care if the Embassy ticked them off - - - just give us the documentation already!!

(Sorry - - - I regress - - - is it too early to have a glass of wine??)

The agency rep feels like if she gives the Committee a couple of days to calm down then cooler heads will prevail. She will ask them again for the documentation by week's end. I'm not sure I agree, but I have to see if she's right. She's a native Vietnamese after all and she understands the culture more than we do, of course. Once again....time will tell!!

I will share some happy news with you, for a change! Shawn has to go to Paris for business in a few weeks, and I'm going to go along for a long weekend (we'll purchase refundable tickets, of course, in case we get I-600 approval and get to go to Vietnam instead)!!! YAY!!! I've been to France (Marseilles), but not to Paris, so I am UBER-EXCITED to go! And we'll be there for our 7th wedding anniversary which will make it even more special!

Shawn is continuing his recovery from his back surgery, although I think it is harder than he expected it to have been. He's been at home all week recuperating but hopes to go back to work some next week. THANKS to everyone for the cards, calls, meals (Dee and Claire!) and prayers. Shawn expects he'll be a new man by next Spring!

Signing off.....

Another hurdle crossed

Shawn's back surgery went well, and we are back home today to begin recovery. The surgeon was able to remove a "good chunk" of the herniated part of the ruptured disk, and he said the prognosis is very good. However, for several weeks, Shawn cannot lift anything heavier than a bag of sugar and he has to avoid bending or twisting. That should be interesting!

But for the time being, he is on pain medication and is taking it easy.....

In adoption news, our agency's in-country facilitator is meeting with the Hung Yen officials on Tuesday. The officials have been working on our paperwork, so we should know more after that. AT LEAST it is being worked on, but we have no idea what to expect as an outcome. I'm staying positive for some kind of direction as a result.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Might as well....

I think I have mentioned somewhere along the way that Shawn has to have back surgery to fix a ruptured disk he has battled for the last 15 years. The original plan was to do it as soon as we returned from Vietnam, but given the delay we received last week we figured it would probably be best to go ahead and have the surgery. He should have time to heal before we travel, and this way he won't be in pain when we do travel.

SOOO - - - the surgery is scheduled for TOMORROW morning, thanks to a last-minute cancellation. Austin will spend the night with friends (thanks Caroline and Jodi!) so he doesn't have to miss school, and I will take Shawn to Atlanta tonight since he has to be at the hospital at 5:30 a.m.!

I'm really okay with this; it is probably the best thing to do. I would like to think that there would be some news in adoption world this week, but - honestly - I don't think there will be. The discrepancy has to be cleared up, even if the birthmother cannot be located, and I have a feeling there will not be a quick resolution......still staying positive, though, and the surgery will be a distraction! I probably will not have another chance to blog until this weekend....

Good luck to all my pre-school moms out there who start school this week! I hope everything goes smoothly, and I will MISS YOU ALL at the playgroups!! Hopefully, I will have another pre-schooler very soon and we can all catch up!

Just more waiting - -

We're back to playing the waiting game - - - this time to find out if Kai's birthmother can be found. Turns out, the in-country facilitator actually has to make the request of the "officers" (like police) and they have to try to find her. We have no idea how long that will take, but I'm hoping it will be pretty straightforward.

We got a lot of documents from the hospital today, on which the conflicting reports were based. It is clearly a case of she-said, he-said, and that's frustrating. At least we were able to find out some details about Kai's birth that we didn't know!

Tomorrow we have to go to Atlanta for our re-fingerprinting appointments (I guess they assume we've been out robbing banks in the last 15 months while waiting for our adoption to go through!). I wouldn't have believed they would have expired, but alas, they will. Our new 6-month travel visas arrived last week....SURELY these won't expire, too!

Thanks again to everyone for following along on this (insane!) journey - - - - just keep the faith that Kai will be home with us soon!!

Seeking gina....

I would love to connect with gina, who left a comment on Friday's blog, and discuss RFEs....can I get your blogsite or e-mail address?? Thanks!

But the greatest of these is LOVE!

"Love doesn't hide. It stays and fights. It goes the distance; that is why love is so strong. So it can carry you all the way home." - author unknown

Whew! Friday was rough, but Shawn and I took the day to process everything, re-read our RFE 800 times, and we got to speak to our agency about the next steps. At least we don't have the incessant waiting and lack of details regarding our case. We can take action and work toward getting Kai home!!

Before Friday neither we nor our agency knew any details regarding Kai's birth. We were told only that she was abandoned, and that we may or may not be able to find out any other information. The RFE provided details about Kai's birth in the Hung Yen Province General Hospital. To summarize, the field investigation (done by CIS) resulted in two conflicting reports:

1) The first was from a midwife at the hospital that said the birthmother (who provided a name and address) was admitted to the hospital on 10/30 at 10:30 a.m. She delivered the baby, but at 5:30 p.m. she could not be found. At 7:30 p.m. hospital administration was informed.

2) The second was from a chief hospital official. He said the the birthmother was admitted to the hospital on 10/30, delivered the baby, then was discharged the following day with all "proper briefing on follow-up care". However there was no relinquishment letter obtained.

What we suspect happened is that the midwife's story was correct. The hospital official concocted his report in an effort to save face as to the care and supervision of the patients. His report even shows the date of the discharge to be 10/30/08, which we feel further supports the fact that it was not written at the time of the actual discharge ('07).

Anyway, the CIS in HCMC is requiring US to find the birthmother, have her sign a relinquishment letter, provide certified copies of her personal identification, get DNA testing done, and to provide an explanation of the discrepancies in the two reports. UGH!!!!!!!

Our agency tells us that many times these women give false names and addresses because they do not want to be found. We are hoping that is true in our case.   In most cases the birthmother understands she is unable to care for the child in the way that an adoptive family could.  The in-country facilitator was going to attempt to locate the birthmother this weekend, using the information she provided. If attempts are made to locate her and are unsuccessful, then CIS has to consider this to be an "abandonment case" and to approve our I-600.

If she IS found, we have to jump through all the hoops to provide all the information the CIS is asking. It could take months.

Of course, it is important to us to know that Kai is in fact a true orphan. I cannot fathom anything untoward happening that forced the birthmother to leave her behind.  She clearly left the hospital, either by disappearing or being discharged, without the baby.  What a loving gift she has given us!

We will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to find resolution to this! Thanks SOOOO much to everyone for the tremendous support.....it has been an unbelievable journey to Kai!! I can't believe it isn't yet over, or at least coming any day now, but I have to accept it and go forward.

God has really been lifting me up during this. I have had many moments of despair and helplessness, but I could write volumes of different instances when I have felt Him carrying me through. Just this morning in church, the beautiful music ("The Anchor Holds" and "More Than Wonderful") and the pastor's message entitled "Strength in the Midst of Turmoil" were all speaking RIGHT to us!! Shawn and I took turns passing the only tissue I had between us.....He is making us stronger through this, and I know He is drawing us nearer to one another and, more importantly, nearer to Him!!

"Right now three things remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is LOVE!!"
I Corinthians 13:13

Great news....and really bad news.....

The great news first: Austin had his first day of kindergarten yesterday and had a fantastic day! I had to wake him up at 6:30 a.m. (!!), but he got right up, pumped his arm and said "Yeeesss!! First day of school!" I just love his zest for life, and his teacher, Mrs. P. is phenomenal! All around it was a great day.

The REALLY bad news: We heard from CIS this morning. The sent us a "Request for Additional Evidence" (RFE), which says they have to obtain additional information about our case. We have 84 days to submit the information, or we can withdraw our I-600 application. They provided specific information about Kai's birth which I will not share, but basically there was a discrepancy on some of the documents. We don't know what any of this means yet, but just continue to pray (hard!) and keep us in your thoughts. This is the worst possible scenario, short of an outright denial, which I cannot allow myself to even imagine is still a possibility, but it is.

STILL nothing.

Push, Push, Push, Push!!

NO news from my inbox this morning. I kept waiting to post, hoping that someone might be working late (well, they ARE behind, HELLO!) and maybe, maybe, maybe we would get good news. Sigh.

As I lay in bed thinking of 8,000 different things, I was reminded of my labor for Austin's birth. At the time, I thought 14 hours of labor (AND the meds in my epidural ran out AND the doc and nurse had another emergency and left the delivery room and didn't return until 10 minutes before Austin was born!!) was difficult - - and it was - - but without a doubt, this is harder.

But I had the sense that I'm at the point in this crazy adoption process where I just need to "push, push, push, push" just like I did through labor. I can still hear my sweet friend Suzie and Shawn saying those words in my ear as we labored to get Austin here. It isn't easy, but the end result is SO very sweet....

As an aside, I re-connected last night with a friend who's daughter and son-in-law are also adopting from Vietnam. The have the referral of their baby girl who will - sadly - have her first birthday this week without them. My thoughts and prayers go out to M & J in NYC. She also posts to chronicle her adoption journey - MUCH more eloquently than me (she is an attorney, after all) - and I hope she won't mind if I copy some of her most recent post here. Her words felt as if they were coming from my soul:

"...Not usually one to share my emotional load, I've learned to lean on my friends and family, to share with them the endless ups and downs of this wild ride (that is, they've listened to a whole lot of venting and wailing and possibly some whining), and we've become immeasurably closer as a result. I've also gotten to know people I never would have met otherwise, friends I've never seen in person, but without whom I now I can't imagine living (you know who you are!). I've seen families form and expand and solidify, and watched through the magical Internet as so many children have transformed in the loving care of their new parents.

I've also been compelled to explore and deepen my religious faith, to trust in God even when I'm in the depths of despair in this often arduous process. Though I've always had a reasonably strong faith (I'm usually very private about religion, as I'm hyper-conscious about not wanting to make anyone feel uncomfortable or excluded), I had never fully appreciated what a relief it is to give yourself over to your faith, to trust that God (or whatever your higher power might be) will not let you fall, and that He has everything worked out for you, so while you do have to make choices and grapple with the questions themselves and live your daily life, you don't have to suffer or figure it all out alone. You know, "let go and let God" and all that stuff, which sounds terribly banal but in practice has gotten me through a lot of very dark days.

(All that AND I've bought a whole lot of really cute clothes. And also toys. And books. One can't discount the healing power of purchasing baby things.)

(There has also been substantial chocolate consumption.)

I guess my point here, assuming I actually have one and that I'm not going to ramble on like a deranged Oscar winner for the rest of the night, is that Noelle has given me so much more than I ever expected in her short life. I've always known that our lives would grow exponentially when we met her, that holding her in my arms would be the gift of a lifetime, but I never imagined how much I would be changed by her even before that moment.

So, baby girl, for your first birthday (just a day away!), I am celebrating you and your life, and all of the beauty you have brought into our lives. Your light shines on everyone who sees you; you cannot imagine how many people are praying for you, thinking of you and wanting only the best for you. I am so thrilled to be your mother, to love you and comfort you and support you forever, and watch you grow into what I know will be an amazing woman. We can't wait to put our arms around you and kiss your sweet face, and share with you all of the love in the world.

Happy birthday..."

Our other little hottie!

How cute is Austin decked out in his boxer briefs and beads from the 4th of July parade in Seaside??? I love that little guy so much - - - and he is going to be an AWESOME big brother!!

A little sumpin' sumpin'

I know everyone is anxiously awaiting news (as are we!!!!). The tremendous support from friends and family is overwhelming, and I just want to thank each and every one of you for the prayers, thoughts, cards, e-mails and kind words of encouragement!! I am amazingly okay with everything knowing that very soon we will be ecstatically happy and our daughter will be in our arms to stay.

We DID hear something from CIS this morning, but it was not the I-600 approval. They simply stated that a second investigation was just completed and "A final review of your case is being processed and forwarded to this office for final processing". I just hope and pray that translates into a final APPROVAL - - - and soon!!

Stay tuned.....film at 11! :)